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Patient Portal

from Side Effects by Jason Didner

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    The physical CD of Jason Didner's new album "Side Effects."

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about

An ode to the indignities of having to fill out the same medical information repeatedly before finally seeing the doctor, set to a ska beat. Amy and I play this track in the house every time we have to fill out this information yet again. It helps us keep our sense of humor about the situation.

lyrics

I keep typing in my password
Still the validation fails
One more strike and
I'll be doing time in password jail

I just want to see my doctor
Is that too much to ask?
Enough watching spinning circles
No more unfulfillable tasks

I've been proving my identity
For all eternity

I'm a mere mortal
Trapped forever in a patient portal
Now patient is the hardest thing to be
I'm a mere mortal
Trapped forever in a patient portal
This portal sucks the soul right out of me

They said this would be easier
But they only made it hard
My browser freezes when
I upload my insurance card

Hey - didn't I just fill out this form
Only moments ago?
The medication list I entered
Where the hell did that go?

I’ll be answering this questionnaire
For all eternity

I'm a mere mortal
Trapped forever in a patient portal
Now patient is the hardest thing to be
I'm a mere mortal
Trapped forever in a patient portal
This portal sucks the soul right out of me

This confusing creation
Keeps giving me the blues
This confounding contraption
That even my doctors
Don't know how to use

I'm a mere mortal
Trapped forever in a patient portal
Now patient is the hardest thing to be
I'm a mere mortal
Trapped forever in a patient portal
This portal sucks the soul right out of me

I'm a mere mortal
Trapped forever in a patient portal
I'm a mere mortal
Trapped forever in a patient portal
I'm a mere mortal
Trapped forever in a patient portal

credits

from Side Effects, released February 3, 2023
(c) 2022, Lyrics by Jason Didner and Amy Didner
Music by Jason Didner
Jason Didner - all vocals, guitar, keyboard, bass, drums

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all rights reserved

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about

Jason Didner Montclair, New Jersey

Jason's body of work as a singer/songwriter/multi-instrumentalist has grown diverse, representing his nature and lived experience. He's brought his sense of humor to bear in many of his signature tracks over the past 25+ years.

He's also turned to song to support the mental health of his listeners, his family and himself. They're mantras for waking up grateful and optimistic.
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