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Patient Portal

by Jason Didner

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Amy and I see a lot of doctors. And during the pandemic each has moved their patient records increasingly online. We can see the potential to save time filling out medical forms, but we ain't there yet! These portals come with numerous technological hassles - so what does a couple like us do about it?? We write a funny "gripe session" song, like this one!

lyrics

I keep typing in my password
Still the validation fails
One more strike and
I'll be doing time in password jail

I just want to see my doctor
Is that too much to ask?
Enough watching spinning circles
No more unfulfillable tasks

I've been proving my identity
For all eternity

I'm a mere mortal
Trapped forever in a patient portal
Now patient is the hardest thing to be
I'm a mere mortal
Trapped forever in a patient portal
This portal sucks the soul right out of me

They said this would be easier
But they only made it hard
My browser freezes when
I upload my insurance card

Hey - didn't I just fill out this form
Only moments ago?
The medication list I entered
Where the hell did that go?

I’ll be answering this questionnaire
For all eternity

I'm a mere mortal
Trapped forever in a patient portal
Now patient is the hardest thing to be
I'm a mere mortal
Trapped forever in a patient portal
This portal sucks the soul right out of me

This confusing creation
Keeps giving me the blues
This confounding contraption
That even my doctors
Don't know how to use

I'm a mere mortal
Trapped forever in a patient portal
Now patient is the hardest thing to be
I'm a mere mortal
Trapped forever in a patient portal
This portal sucks the soul right out of me

I'm a mere mortal
Trapped forever in a patient portal
I'm a mere mortal
Trapped forever in a patient portal
I'm a mere mortal
Trapped forever in a patient portal

credits

released August 12, 2022
(c) 2022, Lyrics by Jason Didner and Amy Didner; Music by Jason Didner
Jason Didner-vocals, guitar, bass, keyboards, drums
Recorded and mixed by Jason Didner
All Rights Reserved

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Jason Didner Montclair, New Jersey

Jason's body of work as a singer/songwriter/multi-instrumentalist has grown diverse, representing his nature and lived experience. He's brought his sense of humor to bear in many of his signature tracks over the past 25+ years.

He's also turned to song to support the mental health of his listeners, his family and himself. They're mantras for waking up grateful and optimistic.
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